Remembering Carlton

It has been a year since Carlton died.  I never really had a chance to say goodbye, though I hope to finally have that chance this weekend.  Because of that lack of closure, and with my disconnect from school and the busy life of raising a child, I sometimes forget that he is gone, that I cannot pick up my phone and call (his number is still saved in my contacts), that he doesn't live down the street anymore, and I'm not going to see his distinctive orange car driving by on any given day.  Then I remember and I am sad.  Such a great friend, colleague, and musician gone way before his time.
This semester, Women's Voices Chorus began rehearsing a collection of pieces by Lana Walter called "Sparks of Divinity".  I was immediately touched by the second piece "I am Not Here", a setting of a poem by Mary Frye.  I think the text is poignant for this day and truly explains how I feel about those that die before us, and how I envision Carlton, whose music will play on forever in our hearts.

Do not Stand at my Grave and Weep
Mary Frye

Do not stand at my grave and weep,
I am not there, I do not sleep.
I am in a thousand winds that blow,
I am the softly falling snow.
I am the gentle showers of rain,
I am the fields of ripening grain.
I am in the morning hush,
I am in the graceful rush
Of beautiful birds in circling flight,
I am the starshine of the night.
I am in the flowers that bloom,
I am in a quiet room.
I am in the birds that sing,
I am in each lovely thing.
Do not stand at my grave and cry,
I am not there. I do not die.


Carlton G. Miles
1963-2009