Sadness

Our dear friend Carlton died today. I'm not even sure what to say about it. I've only known he was sick for a short time, because he chose to hide it. I didn't have a chance to help him, or to tell him how important his existence is to me and so many others. To be honest, I'm having a hard time dealing with the sadness when I am so angry that he left us so suddenly.

Carlton was so many things to me.
He was a mentor, teaching me about a whole new world of music that I had never really experienced. He taught me how to take something that could be considered "show crap" and turn it into a spectacular performance with attention to vocal style and clean choreography.

He was a colleague. We worked together on a number of projects. I always felt comfortable working for him, and just the same having him work for me. He offered me support for my program, provided me with suggestions to solve problems, and brought me any piece of music I could ask for. I think he must have a collection of 5,000+ pieces in his files.

He was most importantly a friend. We chatted easily on the phone and over lunch. He never hesitated to thank me for anything I did that he felt was meaningful. He made me proud of who I am. It's scary to think that he may have left today without knowing just how important he was to me because I didn't tell him often enough.

I don't really know how people deal with grief. Few people close to me have died during my lifetime. This is my first close friend to go, and way too soon. I know that I, and many others, will miss him terribly. There will never be another man quite like Carlton Miles. I can always hope that the awesome qualities in him will live on in all of us that have been influenced by him.