Roxie

Today has felt like one of the longest days of my life.  Our sweet cat Roxie died this morning.  She fell ill on Sunday, and after failing to get her to the emergency vet in our own car due to icy roads, a neighbor drove her and Tony there, where she received excellent care.  They managed her pain and got her back to feeling "better".  We picked her up Monday morning, anxious to get her home where she could recover in a more comfortable environment.  She was immediately more at ease.  We were armed with antibiotics and several days worth of pain meds to help her.  Sadly, it was just too much for Roxie.  She slept the night in our room with us and Chrissy, then passed quickly in the morning.
It doesn't feel real sometimes.  I don't handle death well anyway, but this was much harder than I expected.  We cried a lot today.  Both kids cried again as I put them to bed tonight.  I pause each time I walk into our room.  I can't bring myself to clean out her food tray or her litter box.  Chrissy was spooked most of the day, and she faithfully sat next to the food at 2:30pm, waiting for Roxie to join for her afternoon meal.  She never came.
Not everyone understood Roxie.  But Tony and I did, and we loved her so much.  She was the very first addition to our family.  It won't be the same without her.  I'll miss seeing her curled up on the couch in the living room.  I'll miss hearing her calling to us at bedtime to announce that she "caught" a ball of kleenex or a napkin that we left on the table.  I'll miss her loud purrs as we pet her.
In the last year, she came around for attention more often.  And, hard as it was for her, she would jump on the bed and snuggle with me whenever I lingered in the mornings for a bit.
I'm so thankful for the time we had together.  I'm thankful that we had a lazy weekend and that I took the opportunity to hang out in bed with both cats while I read my book.  I'm thankful for the generosity of a neighbor we hardly know getting her to the vet, so at least she didn't suffer in pain for too long.  I'm thankful that the vet recognized that she would be happier at home and discharged her as soon as possible.  I'm thankful that we were with her in her final moments and that she went quickly.  And I'm ever so thankful for Tony, who handled it all through his grief, because he knew I couldn't.
Who knew losing a cat could be this hard?  I'm sure each day will get easier.  But for now, it has just been a really long, hard day.