She doesn't NEED makeup

It happens a lot... people comment on how beautiful Abbie is, how much hair my children have, how similar yet different they appear as siblings... I often return these compliments with, "oh yes, she has her dad's coloring" or "yeah, they turned out pretty cute, huh?" or "thanks, I think so, too".

But then, someone comments on their eyelashes... those beautiful, thick eyelashes that are apparently the envy of many women in our society.  The simple comments are usually "what nice eyelashes they have" or "wow, he has thick eyelashes for a boy", which are fine.  "Yes, their dad has thick eyelashes, too," I'll say.  Then a woman will look right at Abbie and say, "She has such thick eyelashes, she won't NEED mascara!"  At that moment I don't know what to say.  I'm sure in my heart that the woman means well.  She's trying to give a compliment... but it's to my 6 year old daughter.  SIX! (Almost seven, Abbie would remind me.)  And, although the woman just told her - in different words - that she is beautiful, this woman also implied that some girls aren't pretty enough and will NEED makeup to achieve the look accepted as beautiful by society.

This notion that women need to add artificial ingredients to their faces to be seen as beautiful just irks me in so many ways. And worse, to teach my CHILD that at such a young age, bothers me even more.  She's going to learn about this soon enough.  It doesn't need to be shoved in her face.  The honest mom in me usually wants to respond with, "You're right!  She'll never need any makeup.  In fact, no one NEEDS makeup to be beautiful... not even you!"  But, if I say that, I will offend the giver of the compliment.  I just smile, instead, and change the subject.

So, I'm charged with teaching my daughter at home.  I must affirm her each day, compliment her strengths and accomplishments, encourage her when she feels weak, and demonstrate self-confidence in myself (the hardest one) so that she might absorb those feelings for herself.  And I must teach her that she doesn't need anything artificial to be more than she already is.  Because who she is inside is what reflects her true beauty on the outside.

If Abbie chooses to wear makeup one day (a LONG time from now), I want her to know that it should be considered an accessory to satisfy her own desire to "dress up", "have fun", or create a different look, NOT because society tells her she NEEDS it to be beautiful.  I know that many women  (myself included) wear makeup because they WANT to, just like they throw on a cute scarf or colorful shoes to accessorize.  For some, it's every day, for others, it's on occasion.  These women are confident in themselves as they are.  They have fun with makeup, but can see beyond it.

I hope more than anything that my children are surrounded by men and women with these same values, so that they will grow to be confident, self-aware, and appreciative of each person's natural beauty.  And I hope that I will come up with the words to respectfully deflect future comments in my children's presence that degrade the beauty of other humans on the basis of such inconsequential, uncontrollable, naturally occurring features as their eyelashes!